Some people come here for my Fortran page. Others want my PhD thesis titled Quantum Waveguide Theory (which is available from the UWA library) or my Honours thesis titled Quantum Chaos in Second Harmonic Generation - Stu.

Monday 10 September 2001

Hangover mix

Is this possibly the ultimate hang-over mix? This is the panadol/sports drink mixture that Tim devised. As an extra development, Tim informs me that the solution also has a Berocca added, to really knock that hang over for six.

WARNING this solution makes your piss BRIGHT yellow.

Sunday 9 September 2001

First Japanese

The Japanese have some wonderful words which will get a lot of use in my lifetime.

SHOKIBARAI: "escaping from the weather hotness by alcohol"

One for all occassions.

Friday 17 August 2001

Ode to a resin bucket

Resin bucket, there is but one
Sticky, fuzzy, stiff by use
Strong, dependable, no resin shared
Glass, gloves, shoes and jacket
Clean, discretionary, ...Resin bucket

Resin bucket, there is but one
Judge, suffer, resin without
Caring, holding, resin within
Rogue, malign, brushes define
Dangerous, useful, ...Resin bucket.

Wednesday 11 July 2001


My good friend Tim recently decided to make a bottle of hang-over cure by pre-mixing Panadol in a 2L coke bottle (later to be a mixture of Panadol and sports drink). After some thought, he dropped the makers of Panadol a short message (names removed):
Dear Tim,
     Thank you for your enquiry regarding our product, Panadol* Clear.
     This is an off-label unapproved mode of use. We cannot recommend such
     use without health authority approval. As this is not a recognised
     mode of use we would have no data to support product efficacy under
     the suggested storage conditions.

     Please do no hesitate to contact us should you require additional

     Yours sincerely
     Consumer Product - Information Officer

     ____________________Reply Separator____________________
     Subject:  Medical / Product, **********
     Author:   Tim **********
     Date:          2/06/2001 7:52

Name: Tim **********
Email: **********
Address: **********
Message: Does panadol clear keep in it's aqueous form?  I'm thinking of 
keeping a bottle in the fridge for those mega-hangovers and was wondering 
how long it would last while remaining effective.

Monday 14 May 2001


The stupid thesis is slowly coming together. Doing a thesis is a little like dying, a real bugger of a way to end a lot of fun.

Thursday 10 May 2001

New Job

Recently I accepted a job with the ANU Super Computer Facility as an academic consultant on the new APAC 420 processor super computer. Colin (not the pengiun) was on the ball and challenged me to write a computer program that meets the following criteria:
  1. When running, it consumes all avaliable CPU resources
  2. The program shall produce "nothing useful"
    1. The "nothing useful" should be "clever" and relavent to todays technology
    2. "Clever" means that when people read about it they will say "that's quite neat, completely useless, but neat"
    3. The "nothing useful" will be understandable by the layman
  3. The production of "nothing useful" will be done in world record time
  4. The program will take an infinite amount of time to run
So, the challenge is out. Any ideas what I could do?

Wednesday 2 May 2001

Tunnel at the beach

Well, some friends and a pommy tourist (Justin - thanks for the photos) went to Cottesloe Beach here in Perth and dug a 4m long tunnel in the sand (about 1m under ground). We then impressed beach strollers by crawling through the narrow construction (you had to sort of put one hand out in front and one behind to make your shoulders as narrow as possible)... kiddies, don't try this at home ;)
Here are some photos:

Tuesday 20 March 2001

How many muscles

Well, after spending an entire day throwing up, from what I beleive to be alcohol poisoning (or possible, 1 bad bottle of home brew), I would like to pose the following question:
How many muscles are used when you throw up?
I haven't been able to find an answer on the net, so obviously no answer is known. From the way my body was feeling, it might be a strong contender for an all body workout and possible better than the abdominator that I have seen (and, to be honest, tempted by) on TV.

Friday 16 March 2001

WA Meal

Again Colin and I have thought up perhaps the first unofficial traditional WA meal:
Endangered Quokka pie delicately bouyant on a kangaroo paw flower potage with a 500-million-year-old stomatolite jus.

Friday 2 March 2001


After a recent trip to Japan to visit good friends Colin and Sandra, Colin and I came up with the perfect meal:
Rice, pig fat (on a stick for ease of digestions), baked salt, cheese and cigarette ash (dripped from a smoke hanging on the lips of some old tarted up hag)
We realise that getting hold of Pig Fat and baked salt can be difficult in Australia and other areas of the world, so we feel a suitable replacement is a Cheese Sausage, which has the added benefit of replacing the cheese as well.

It is commonly believed that this meal has all food groups and meets all international health standards. However, readers should consult their physician before attempting this diet.